hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
