Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
