i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize