Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
