I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Houston, we have a squirter
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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