I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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