They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
