We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
