I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
