R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
