I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
