I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
