If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
