drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
