Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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