I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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