but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
