If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
