??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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