Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
