His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
