Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I believe in your delicious
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
