i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
