Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
