GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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