Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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