A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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