Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
