i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
