You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
