Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
