Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
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