hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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