you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
