FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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