Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
