forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
