i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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