i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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