Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
