i can't believe i had my finger in that
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
