chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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