I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i dont even know how to be here
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize