If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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