Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
