I'm so fucking centered right now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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