while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
