I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I am one with the molecules
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
