Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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