I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
its liver damage thursday
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
