the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
