Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
