my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
