we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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