I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize