Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
