Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
