She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
