After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
