just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
