It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
