A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
