return my video game
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
