Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize