A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
