Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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