next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
