woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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