I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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