Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My vagina just recognized that song.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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