I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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