I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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