My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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