If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
