OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am one with the molecules
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
