I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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